doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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