OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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