wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
