You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
