id be glad to
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
