he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
