if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
