Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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