You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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