Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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