Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
