Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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