I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
