OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
