She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
