I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
