Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
