Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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