I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
