he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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