dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
