i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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