We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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