he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
