I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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