If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
