All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
