Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
