Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
