i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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