we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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