I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
