WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
