I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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