Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
