I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
