Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
