It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
