We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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