Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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