Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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