I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
