Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
