she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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