its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
