What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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