Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
