Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
