so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As shirtless as possible
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
