Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
