last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
