my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
