I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
