so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
