if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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