Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
