We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
